Fear is my background state. As a person with a diagnosed anxiety disorder, I constantly battle my natural inclination to worry. My most crippling anxiety manifests as hypochondria. For me, it oscillates between either having organ failure or getting dementia, lol. By the way, I am self-aware enough to know how ridiculous I sound, but knowing this doesn't fully protect me from it.
As I observe the world around me, I see many people like me. Maybe not hypochondria per se, but so many people are silently battling chronic anxiety/fear. And we've developed all kinds of coping mechanisms, whether they be antidepressants (like me) or feel-good things like shopping, alcohol, or food. We ALL develop strategies to repress our "unpleasant" emotions. That's normal.
Of all the things I have found to help me, one of the best is exercise. For me, it's walking, jogging, or some other cardio-intense activity. I experience a natural antidepressant in getting my heart rate up and producing a good sweat! If you are struggling, I implore you to try to find ways to exercise. Don't worry about the intensity or duration; anything is better than nothing!
Another thing I've found helpful is always keeping some sort of project going—something to work on. Whether it be writing an essay, writing music, or designing a new flower bed, having a project with which to focus my mental energy always lifts my spirits. It's especially helpful for me to have multiple projects going on simultaneously because I regularly experience writer's block. Sometimes, just taking time away from something can invite new insights and ideas.
And yet, there are still periods of time when I feel totally worthless and completely unproductive. During these phases, I "escape" by excess sleeping. Some days, I give in to my desire to sleep away the day. It has been better lately, but in the back of my mind, I'm always fearful that I'll slip into another one of those depressive periods. Yet, it is also important not to feel bad about taking time to detach and disconnect from life. A wise older friend once told me something like this: "Every day isn't going to be a good or productive day, and that's to be expected." Knowing that other people have bad days gives me the assurance that "this too shall pass."
At my best, I see the good in people and feel a deep connection with the natural world and humanity. I'll say things like, "I'm so grateful for this or that." I'll tell people I love them, etc. At my lowest, I can't see the beauty or purpose in anything. The whole world seems dirty, dark, and meaningless. So much of what we experience and interpret is filtered through our ever-shifting, volatile minds. We need to be acutely aware of how much our state of mind influences how we see the world!
Remembering that we have no real power to change the future is also important. Yes, we can exercise and develop healthy habits, and yes, this can stave off or delay many illnesses, but ultimately, we will suffer and die. But this absolute truth doesn't have to cripple or paralyze us in fear. We probably wouldn't appreciate our lives if we knew we would live forever. I try to remind myself that it is a miracle that I even exist in this hostile and unfathomably ancient and vast universe. Some level of fear and anxiety is to be expected and shouldn't be suppressed. Living with fear and anxiety is a necessary component of a healthy life.
We must learn to live with darkness and discomfort. Just as we relish the great moments of ecstasy and joy, we must reframe our minds to also give thanks for the suffering! For it is only through suffering that we can fully appreciate and fully inhabit this world. The key is to not let fear and anxiety overtake us and inhibit us from living to our dynamic fullest!
Comments