I must confess that I'm by no means an authority on masculinity. I'm a gay man whose passions are music and gardening. So, I'm in no way qualified to make judgments on how men should behave or what they should think.
By the way, the one quality I probably share with most men is that I hate shopping—and perhaps that I bottle up my emotions and rarely cry.
Much has been written about the "toxic" masculinity that seems to be plaguing today's men. By most metrics, men seem to be falling behind women, especially when it comes to education. And they are far more likely to fall into addictions of despair, like drug use, and commit suicide.
Over the last four years, really since I moved back to Georgia, I've observed an increasing number of young men publically reading the Bible. At my local coffee shop, I often overhear conversations about religion and see Bible study groups. While I don't object to people seeking comfort through religion, I highly doubt that most of these folks are coming to the conclusion that gay people deserve equal freedoms or that evolution through natural selection is a real process... I realize I'm being judgmental and that I sound totally elitist.
Yet it does seem as if a religious revival is sweeping through, especially here in suburbia. New churches are popping up at every intersection. If I had the courage to do so, I'd love to ask some of these guys where they stand on science, evolution, and social issues. I want to try to understand where they are coming from. I know they are struggling—I can feel it.
I also see a lot of men driving huge trucks or really fast and loud cars. Now, this really does annoy me. This macho, overly beefed-up, almost cartoonish masculinity may be a reaction to the increasing visibility of gay people in the media and just in life in general. It seems plausible to me that men who harbor unwanted homosexual desires may project hyper-masculine traits in order to hide their true nature. It is well known that closet gays are among the most homophobic members of society. Yet I'm also aware that there may be something intrinsically repulsive about the idea of male homosexuality and transsexuality since it kinda seems so universal- but I don't want to get into that debate. But really, don't men know about the correlation between how big your truck is versus how small a certain appendage is...?
I also see a lot of guys spending away too much time perfecting their physiques. I'm not suggesting this is necessarily a bad thing... we certainly need to improve our health and strength. But I am concerned that many young guys are obsessed with or "addicted" to working out. Just as many women have become increasingly obsessed with doing whatever it takes to look younger, including surgeries, men, as I see it, are becoming just as vain. When you spend all your free time building muscle, you are sacrificing some other important element in your life- perhaps neglecting a hobby or time with your family.
I see why so many men of all ages are drawn to people like Logan Paul or Joe Rogan on Social Media. Influencers like that are masters of whipping up anger and man's inherent impulse to "wage war." Men need enemies in their lives and battles to wage. PC culture and "wokeness" make perfect foils for the frustrated modern man.
In a world where men feel less purpose, having a battle to wage, even if the enemy is largely fiction, is very attractive to young men. This may explain our inherent attraction to sports and video games, but it also could explain the current "war on wokeness" that has spread like wildfire throughout America.
There's also been considerable reporting on the sexual crisis facing Gen. Z men. Apparently, young men aren't having much sex, at least when compared to previous generations. Even though "hook-up" apps abound, it seems most young people struggle to make real-world physical encounters. They opt for porn to satiate those desires. Porn is great, but it does have its limits. Perhaps if men were having more "real" sex, they wouldn't be so angry all the time.
Identity Politics may be exacerbating this crisis. I've heard statements like, "I'm just a straight white male; I'm not special or particularly valued by my society." On this point, I largely agree with people on the right. I do think that too much emphasis has been placed on race, sexual orientation/ identity, and gender. We must acknowledge that class plays probably a larger role in whether or not someone achieves wealth and power. Note that I didn't mention happiness. Happiness seems fairly independent of how much money or power one has, though obviously, we need a minimum amount of money to be happy.
I wish young guys would look to a different kind of man for inspiration. There are innumerable men out there who are kind, compassionate, funny, and don't take themselves too seriously. Men who hold moderate views on politics and religion and who don't see the world in such black-and-white terms. I'm not saying that to be a good role model one needs to be perfectly balanced with no issues. No, it's our issues that help shape us into better human beings! It's the way we struggle and the journey of accepting ourselves, flaws and all; it's our resilience that makes us better humans! There are plenty of guys out there in every facet of life who might not be rich or powerful but who can offer us inspiration on how to live a richer life. Being a decent person doesn't depend on whether or not we believe in God; rather, it has to do with how we interact with the people and creatures around us... are we helpful, funny, insightful, creative, etc...
In my opinion, the key to being a good role model is what Socrates said over 2000 years ago: Know Thyself! Our greatest ambition in our short lives should be to explore and uncover a deeper understanding and love for ourselves. It is through this journey of self-exploration that we will enhance our world and our fellow humans. I'm not saying I know all the answers; there are no "answers." But, at least for now, this is my goal.
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