Winter is for fantasy. Now I don't mean "fantasy of lights" or all the sappy Christmas "wonderland" stuff that clutters our lives... no, I'm referring to this seasonal impulse we experience of "dreaming". Perhaps it is because we want to "escape" from all the bleakness of winter. Or perhaps it is simply an escape from all the consumerized frenzy and obligatory gift-buying, concerts, and family time that fills our calendars.
If you are like me and spend a lot of time daydreaming, you might find yourself saying "I can make this...or I'll do that..." We are constantly inventing new projects and goals in our minds. But how many of these projects do we actually get to?
Rarely any... And I think I'm not alone. I've even witnessed people old, informed, and nearing the end saying things like "I'd like to grow that plant" or "I can see it next year.".. are they in denial of their precarious future? Do they know their physical or mental limitations? Is this a form of cognitive dissonance that evolved to help us cope with suffering and our mortality? Or perhaps it is just their ever-optimistic personality clinging on till the very end.
I know I often need a "reality check" because of my vivid imagination. But I also don't want to stifle my creative impulses. I want to always push myself into new and uncharted territory, but I also don't want to set myself up for inevitable disappointment. Goals are great, but they can also get in the way of appreciating what we have here in the moment, what we have today!
Some people have suggested that I lower my expectations so that when I do accomplish a goal, I'm pleasantly surprised. But as a hopeless romantic "artist type", I find this strategy impractical. I'm forever imagining myself "making it big" or on a path to a "breakthrough". Yet I also worry about never accomplishing anything and becoming a "disappointment" in the eyes of my friends, family, and mostly myself.
One goal in creating this blog is for me to practice codifying my inner thoughts into something coherent and relatable to other people. I guess this is a form of narcissism, but I'm also sure that many of us can benefit from the openness of others. I know I wish I saw more honest vulnerability on Facebook.
I think we can all relate to the "fantasy world" of denial I'm describing. We are all guilty of imagining all the things we'll never actually get around to doing. We are not as rooted in reality or the physical world as we'd like to think we are. We largely create our own reality. Knowing this about myself gives me great comfort! For whatever life throws at me, I feel I have some control over how I internalize or interpret otherwise "bad" circumstances.
Because bad things do happen to us regardless of how prepared we are. We can never fully shield ourselves from failure and disappointment, but we can redirect some of that fear and anxiety into gratitude and appreciation. Bad things don't always have to "break" us. They are simply part of life's journey and help make us more dynamic and empathetic beings. Without disappointment, we would grow dull and even more selfish than we currently are.
I guess what I'm getting at is this overwhelming yearning I feel to be thankful for what I have, even the so-called "negatives" that have occurred in my life. When I reflect back on the past, I'm most proud of my resilience and fortitude, even though I've largely forgotten the stress and even horror I felt during those periods. The old maxim "this too shall pass" is such truth and can help us retain hope and survive almost anything.
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